I'm feeling very . . . oh, what's the word . . . melancholy tonight, I suppose. I can't complain that I'm in a bad situation, because I'm really not. I have a comfortable place to stay. I'm not in any real danger. I have access to everything I need. But still, I've been waking up some mornings lately and just thinking to myself, "My god, how am I going to spend a year here."

This whole mission seems such an exercise in futility to me at times. I only see my little corner, and I remind myself that I don't see the whole plan, the entire strategic mission. But if the Americans were to pull out now, the whole country would go to hell. The Iraqis seem incapable of caring for themselves. They are either mindless drones who will take direction from whomever will give it, or they're uneducated and simple, molded by anyone who comes along with some degree of willfullness. Or even worse, they are opportunists who sieze on any opportunity to better themselves regardless of its effect on those around them.

And so I find myself wondering why I am here? How is my ensuring we have internet and email going to help make the Middle East a bastion of freedom and democracy when the very people who live here don't want to step up and take ownership for their own land and welfare?

I guess I'm just PMSing tonight *lol* It's been a month since I hit Kuwait (which is when my one year started ticking). One month down, eleven more to go.