This last Saturday we were invited to have dinner at the farm of a local Iraqi contractor who does a lot of contract and sub-contract work for our base. His name is Sami and he is a wealthy and influential local businessman. If we need something from the local economy or if we need a particular job done, we just give him a call and he does it for us. Of course, all these contracts we send his way have made him a very wealthy man, so he often invites us over for meals or wants to throw parties for us. He knows where his bread is buttered and wants to make sure the contracts keep coming.

So that's what we did. About 15 of us drove out to his farm and Sami had a big meal prepared for us. Now, I have eaten authentic Iraqi food, so I wasn't surprised by what he served. It was the usual assortment of fish or chicken or some sort of meat served over a plate of rice. In this instance, he served a plate of chicken, a plate of fish, and a plate of lamb, all over a huge heaping mound of rice.

However, I was not quite prepared to watch the Iraqis eat this meal. They don't really use plates. Actually, they don't use plates or silverware. At all. They all stand around the large serving dishes and eat off the serving dishes. And they eat with their hands. Want some rice? Just grab a handful and put it in your mouth. Want some meat? Just pull a piece off with your hands and eat it! Sort of like a pot luck dinner without the plastic plates and serving ware.

I tried to cut a happy medium by taking a piece of flat bread and using that as a plate. However, before I could get to the table to serve myself, one of the Iraqis who was there "generously" decided to serve me. He grabbed two or three handfuls of lamb and heaped it on my bread, followed by two or three handfuls of rice and put that on top of the meat. (mmmmmmm, fresh from his hands. It doesn't get any more authentic than that!) Kind of like a Nick Tahoe's garbage plate but without the attention to cleanliness.

Oh god, I just had a thought as I'm writing this. Which hand did he serve me with? I hope it was his right hand. They wipe their asses with their left hand.

Anyway . . . what am I supposed to do? Not eat? I dug in and ate as much as I could. And all the while, I sat there watching the other local gentlemen eating from the serving dishes in that distinctive Iraqi manner.

Now, I know that my words just do not do justice to the experience, so I took some video so you can get the full effect. You can watch the video here. (4 MB)

All in all, it was a very good meal. The rice especially is very tasty. They put raisins in it and some sort of spice that turns it yellow. There was way more than we could possible eat.

As good as it was though, it may have been heaven going in but it's hell coming out. I woke up this morning with the raging shits. Something must have been undercooked or something, because I'm having to visit the bathroom every couple of hours. My colon is bubbling like a hot spring and going off like Old Faithful.

The lesson? Pay more attention to which hand they serve you with next time.